


Feeling Home

by wolfstarlights



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Alternate Universe - Boarding School, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Alternate Universe - Muggle, Bisexual James Potter, FTM Regulus Black, First Kiss, Fluff, Gay Regulus Black, Gender Dysphoria, Genderfluid Character, Genderfluid Sirius Black, Genderqueer, Genderqueer Character, Genderqueer Sirius Black, Jegulus, Light Angst, M/M, Multi, Nonbinary Sirius Black, Trans Character, Trans Male Character, Trans Regulus Black, Trans Wizard Tournament, wolfstar
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-01
Updated: 2020-09-01
Packaged: 2021-03-06 19:15:42
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 6,706
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26234029
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/wolfstarlights/pseuds/wolfstarlights
Summary: Regulus can't sleep in his own bed anymore. So, just like he used to as a child, he moves to his brother's room. James isn't really happy about that.TW: gender dysphoria, mention of genitals, a tiny bit of swearing
Relationships: Regulus Black & Sirius Black, Regulus Black/James Potter, Sirius Black/Remus Lupin
Comments: 23
Kudos: 253
Collections: Trans Wizard Tournament 2020





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

  * For [girlwithacrown](https://archiveofourown.org/users/girlwithacrown/gifts).



> Written for the Trans Wizard Tournament 2020, prompted by the amazing [girlwithacrown](https://archiveofourown.org/users/girlwithacrown/pseuds/girlwithacrown)! I hope you like it, Bro!

Regulus turned around in his semi-comfortable sheets once again, careful not to make any noise. God be damned if he risked waking any of the girls, he shared this dorm with. They would probably ask annoying questions he didn’t want to answer. Like, why he was lying awake at this time of night if he always seemed to be barely keeping his eyes open during the day. And they would have a point as it showed in his rapidly falling grades. It wasn’t all too obvious, yet. It was only a few weeks into his fourth year of boarding school and he had only had a few small tests up to this point. No one thought it weird for a fourteen-year-old to have falling grades in the first tests of a new year right after summer. Everyone needed to get back into their rhythm of studying (or not studying) and school was meant to get a little harder with every year anyways. So, who would waste a thought on him starting the year off with something less than straight As? 

Thinking of school distracted him enough to almost let him fall asleep finally – but then Allison, who was sleeping in the bed right next to Regulus, started snoring and he was wide awake again. Because he was reminded how wrong it was for him to be here. A boy in a girl’s dorm. Every teacher or principal would throw a tantrum if they found out about that and would immediately act to prevent it from happening again. But Regulus hadn’t gathered the courage to talk to anyone about it, yet. Mostly because he doubted, they would do anything about it even if he did. Because in most people’s eyes, he didn’t have a dick, so how could he be a boy? What he did have though were breasts and a vagina so it would be highly dangerous to put him in a dorm with four horny teenage boys, right? Regulus pulled his blanket closer to his chest, hugging himself tight with his arms, as if he could make the two bulges there disappear. Of course, they didn’t.

He felt lonely. He didn’t want to be here anymore. Back when they were children he would’ve just migrated to his brother’s room and crawled into his bed with him. Sirius would tiredly blink his eyes open before embracing him without another word and in the morning, Regulus would sneak back into his own room so their parents wouldn’t notice. He missed that. He missed being close to his brother. He missed it a fucking lot.

Without thinking about consequences, Regulus acted upon his urges for the first time in what felt like forever. Probably due to the countless sleepless nights. He grabbed his blanket and his pillow and silently tiptoed towards the door. He almost tripped over his own feet on the way, but he caught himself on a cupboard. When he was finally outside the room, the door carefully closed behind him, he took a deep breath. It felt like his lungs got oxygen for the first time in hours and it cleared his head enough to make him doubt his decision. When he looked back at the closed door, though, it seemed to be a sign of finality. That door was closed. There was no way back. He had to go through with it. He had to move forward.

And so, he did. 

His bare feet made soft slapping noises on the cold stone floor of the corridors. His heart was beating irregularly and the sound of his breathing seemed way too loud in the dead silence of the night. This was the first time he acted against school rules, Regulus realized, and his not-very-helpful brain provided an image of him behind bars, his parents scowling at him from the other side. After climbing a short flight of stairs, he finally found himself in the corridor he had always stared at longingly from the outside. On each side of it there were a number of doors looking exactly like the ones he had left behind just a few minutes ago. But what was behind them made all the difference. The back of his head was itching under his long and thick black curls but he didn’t have a free hand to scratch it so he just pulled blanket and pillow closer to his still-not-flat chest and headed down the corridor, straight for the door he knew his brother was sleeping behind. With his elbow, he pushed down the handle and slowly pressed open the light, wooden door. In the shadows of the night, the dorm looked basically the same as the girls’ ones, just maybe a little messier. The moonlight entering through an open window revealed heaps of clothes and other random items like schoolbags littering the floor. There were four beds, all of their curtains were pulled closed. Again, the voice in his head screamed at him to turn back. But being right there, right then felt good. Better than lying in a bed he couldn’t sleep in because he was constantly aware of the presence of five teenage girls sleeping in the same room anyways.

He stepped forward, shut the door and went straight ahead towards one of the beds farthest from there. Brushing any last concerns aside, he spread the blanket on the carpeted ground, dropped his pillow on top of it, lay down and cocooned himself in the whole thing. He imagined his brother sleeping in the bed he was right next to and the likeliness of it gave him enough comfort to finally fall asleep.

/\\*/\\*/\\*/\

Sirius was pulled from his (very nice) sleep by a shocked, high-pitched scream that could only be stemming from the one and only James Potter. Huffing an annoyed groan, he pulled his left hand from where it was splayed across Remus’ lower back in order to rub his eyes awake. Remus hummed a low chuckle from next to him. “Morning, love. Ready to check if James is screaming for a valid reason?”

Sirius groaned again. “Do we have to? I don’t wanna move. You’re warm and cuddly.”

James had started whisper shouting with someone who definitely wasn’t Peter, but someone else, whose voice Sirius would recognize everywhere. His sister. In a matter of milliseconds Sirius was sitting upright and pulling open one of the curtains around Remus’ bed. What he found was far away from anything he would have expected. James was sitting on the edge of his bed in boxer shorts, clutching his right ankle with his left hand, using the other one to make elusive gestures to emphasize his hissed words. Words directed at head of long, curly black hair sticking out from the top of a rolled blanket. 

“Reggie? What the hell are you doing here? On our floor?”

James head snapped around to face Sirius and his expression was a weird mix of apology, shock and exasperation. There was also a hint of a blush tinting the dark skin of his cheekbones, but Sirius didn’t look closely enough to pick it up. “I’ve been asking her the same thing for the past two minutes! She’s not giving me much to work with!”

Reggie’s hand tightened minutely on top of her blanket before she moved to sit up on her pillow. “What is there not to understand? I fell asleep here! I was sleeping! This is a dorm! Sleeping is what this room was built for!”

“Well, yes, but…. This isn’t your dorm! We are in a boarding school! We were all assigned dorms. This dorm here is where Sirius, Peter, Remus and I sleep! You are supposed to sleep in another dorm! A dorm that isn’t even placed in this same corridor, might I add!” James voice was screeching these words hysterically and by then even Peter, who was known for sleeping through the worst thunderstorms, was poking his head out from behind his red curtains to watch the spectacle with raised eyebrows.

“James is right, Reggie. You can’t just sleep here. It’s against the rules.”

“Since when are _you_ paying attention to what the rules allow and what not?”, his sister snapped back at him.

“Since when are _you not_ paying attention to that?”

“Why do you suddenly care what I do?”

Sirius raised a confused eyebrow. “Says the one sleeping on the floor of _my_ dorm?”

Silence followed and Sirius could watch Reggie’s brain work out what to say next. “Listen, Reggie. If you wanted to talk to me or something, you could have just told me. I’m here for you. Just… maybe don’t sneak into my dorm in the middle of the night without even telling one of us? That’s a little weird.”

“Maybe don’t sneak into our dorm _at all_ because that’s a little weird. Very weird,” James added helpfully.

“So, are you saying I can sleep here as long as I tell you guys beforehand?”

“What? No!”, James exclaimed, while Sirius was still processing the words.

“I mean… I have no problem with you here, of course, but I’m not the only one living in this dorm! And if a teacher found you here…. Also, why would you want to sleep on our floor rather than in your own bed?”

“By the looks of it, you guys have a free bed here anyways,” Reggie said while raising an eyebrow, mirroring Sirius. He blushed. 

As Sirius was busy being embarrassed about being caught in bed with his boyfriend by his baby sis, James took this cue to continue defending his point.

“You have your own bed, that is exactly the same, waiting for you in your own dorm! Sleep in that!”

“What does it hurt any of you letting me sleep here?”

“I literally just almost broke my ankle because you decided to sleep on the floor next to my bed!”

Reggie scoffed. “Don’t be a whiny baby about it, Potter. You’ll survive!”

“Well, yes, but… but this is a boys’ dorm. Where boys sleep. Boys that might not be wearing a lot of clothes at night! You can’t just sleep here!”

“Well, if you know that I’m here, you can from now on start wearing a little more at night. I don’t see the problem. The girls in my dorm are already used to me not being there when they go to bed, so they won’t report it to the teachers. And if none of you do, no one will ever notice that I’m here. I won’t be bothering you at all, I’m only going to be here for a few hours each night so I can get some sleep in for a change. If you want me to make an effort, _you_ won’t even notice that I sleep here. There are really only positive sides to this, when you think about it! And I’d even offer you payment! Whatever you want: money, help with studying, therapy, hell I’ll even help you planning pranks! This is a win-win situation! All you have to do is let me sleep in Sirius’ abandoned bed! Or on the floor, I don’t care!”

The four boys living in the dorm stared at the girl with wide eyes. Sirius as well as James were at a loss for words.  
“I… still have no clue why you want to sleep here so badly.”

“Me, neither.”

Remus sighed and revealed the conclusion he had drawn from Reggie’s rant. Apparently, he had been the only one able to follow it and filter out the important information. “She can’t sleep in her own dorm for whatever reason. As it seems she was only able to fall asleep when she came here. Is this about your dormmates? Are they bothering you somehow?”

Reggie’s lips twitched up slightly before she replied. “You could say that, yes.”

Anger started boiling in Sirius’ stomach. Why hadn’t Reggie told him about that sooner? Why hadn’t she reported the issue to a teacher? “Okay.”

“Okay?”

“Okay, you can stay here-“

“What?! No!!! What do you mean she can stay here, that will not work!”

“James-“

“Guys, can we discuss this later please? I am hungry and if we waste any more time, we will miss breakfast.”

After another tension-thick silence they all agreed with Peter and went down for breakfast. Somewhere along the way Reggie managed to disappear.

/\\*/\\*/\\*/\

Regulus was sitting in English class, tightly clutching the olive-green beanie in his hands. It felt like the only thing grounding him in this world. Holding him. Protecting him. Distracting him from the fact that he was wearing a skirt. He had the strong urge to just pull it over his head and stuff all the strands of his too-long-to-appear-masculine-at-all hair into it.

He didn’t act on it. The only kind of headdress students were allowed to wear in class were hijabs and Professor McGonagall scolding him would just draw attention to him, which was exactly the opposite of what he wanted to achieve. Instead, he just lowered his head even more, making his hair almost hide his face entirely. 

He didn’t even try to pay attention to the lesson going on anymore. Every time his thoughts would return to the events of this morning. Why wouldn’t James just let him sleep in their dorm? He wasn’t usually so set on abiding to all rules. Maybe he just didn’t like Regulus in particular staying with them. Did he really dislike him that much? The thought made Regulus’ chest constrict in pain. He knew it was a ridiculous thought, though. He had noticed the way James was looking at him sometimes. Those pretty brown eyes practically caressing him and the dark lips curling into a soft smile or smirk. The problem was that James didn’t like _him_. He liked Reggie, his best friend’s little sister.

Regulus heaved an exhausted sigh and forced his mind to drift back on topic. There had to be a way to convince James otherwise. If James only acted like this because he didn’t want a girl in their dorm, maybe him coming out to him would do the trick. But was he ready to do that? And what told him that James would even accept that? Accept him? Would the whole school know about him in a matter of days? Would it be worth it? Was he even ready to come out, yet?

Maybe Regulus was being too childish about it all. The girls in his dorm weren’t that bad and almost never bothered him anyways. If he stayed with his brother and his friends that would probably mean a lot of misgendering and deadnaming and arguing. All things he could avoid by just staying in his own dorm. _Or by coming out to them_ , added his still-not-very-helpful brain, _and chances are high they will accept you. Sirius and Remus are dating and the other two are accepting of them, aren’t they?_

With a groan he let his head drop into his palms. Thinking about this was giving him a headache.

“Regina? Are you alright?” Regulus didn’t even bother looking up to see who it was. He was still fucking tired, maybe even worse than the days before, when he hadn’t gotten any sleep at all. And people trying to socialize with him wasn’t helping his headache. Especially not when they were deadnaming him in the same sentence.

“Shut the fuck up!”, he snapped at the person without thinking. It had just slipped him. He wasn’t prone to swearing or insulting or even just raising his voice. But he had apparently lost control over his own actions now.

“Miss Black! Watch your mouth! Ten points from Slytherin!”

Regulus took a deep breath. He couldn’t take this anymore. And staying invisible wasn’t a possibility for today anymore either way.

“I’m sorry professor, I’m not feeling well. May I visit the nurse and stay in my dorm for the remainder of the day?”

“Of course, Miss Black. Get well soon.”

In a swift motion, Regulus grabbed his bag and left the room, pulling the beanie on as soon as the door fell shut behind him. After a short conversation with Madam Pomfrey, the school nurse, he made his way to the dorm section of the building. When he arrived, he hesitated.

He turned left but didn’t move from the spot. He stared down the corridor in thought and immediately he had to pull one of his hands from where it was clutching the strap of his bag in order to scratch the back of his head through the beanie. Internally screaming, he squeezed his eyes shut and bit down on his lower lip, hard. 

“Fuck it,” he whispered aloud and spun around. With hurried steps Regulus sped down the right corridor and made his way back to his brother’s dorm.

/\\*/\\*/\\*/\

“You can’t let her sleep with us, Sirius! She’s a bloody _girl_!”

Remus snickered at James while Sirius repeated his decision for the sixth time that day.

“Prongs! What is your damn problem? I already told you, I will not force her to share a dorm with people that bully or mistreat her! She’s my baby sister, I can’t just tell her to fuck off and to solve her own problems. She directly asked me to help her and she wouldn’t do that if it wasn’t serious. In fact, she never did that until now.”

“I know, I want to help her, too! But does it have to be our dorm? Remus could ask Evans to take her in.”

“We better not get a Prefect involved in this. Either way, she was right this morning. We do have an empty bed. And she seemed to sleep well with us. That’s what’s important. What if she doesn’t feel comfortable in that dorm either, huh?”

“But- but Sirius! She doesn’t belong there! She should just ask a teacher if she wants to be in another dorm so badly!”

Remus groaned annoyedly. “Oh my god, James! Get over yourself, please! You should be celebrating!”

“Shut up, Remus!”

Sirius, who had been about to smash another argument against James’ head, stopped walking, pulling Remus to a stop as well. “What are you on about?”

“Don’t tell me you haven’t noticed, yet. Oh my god, I could be friends with a bunch of hyperactive puppies and I wouldn’t notice a difference.”

“Noticed what? James, what is my boyfriend not telling me.”

“Nothing. Come on guys, let’s get back to the dorm!” 

This time there was no way around seeing James’ cheeks flushing dark red. Suddenly something clicked in Sirius’ brain and he didn’t know if he should cry or laugh.

“Fuck. Oh, fucking hell, you have a crush on Reggie? Are you kidding me?”

“What?” James voice came out about five octaves higher than usual. “Don’t be ridiculous, Pads! Why would you even think that! I wouldn’t even dare to think about thinking about looking at your sister in any way that is not entirely a very you-are-the-younger-sister-of-my-best-bro-and-I-kind-of-enjoy-your-company way. Everything is totally- guys? Seriously?” James finally stopped his rambling when all three of his friends were (literally) rolling on the floor, giggling.

Sirius took some deep breaths to calm down but broke into another fit of giggles when he looked James in the eyes again. Between jolts of laughter he managed to press out some words. “It’s- It’s so- so obvious now. H-how in- hell did I not- not notice?”

“I hate you all. I’m going back to the dorm now.” 

Sirius jumped to his feet and helped Peter and Remus getting up from the floor as well, taking his boyfriend’s bag.  
“Pads, no. You don’t have to, it’s just one bag!”

“Shush, I’m being a gentleman. And an amazing boyfriend. Appreciate it.” Sirius shook his head slightly to get rid of the nagging feeling he sometimes got when being referred to as “boy”, even when he did it himself. “Come on, let’s go.”

When they opened the door to the dorm James froze on the spot and let out a whiny noise that made Sirius want to agree with Remus’ earlier statement. They really were basically a bunch of hyperactive puppies. And this particular puppy was apparently head over heels for Sirius’ baby sis.

“You’ve got it real bad man,” Sirius whispered with a sideways glance at his best friend before walking over to his own bed, that he barely used anymore. Right then it was occupied by Reggie, curled into the tiniest ball of human, ink smeared all over her hands and cheeks. Crumpled underneath her were schoolbooks, paper and writing utensils. Probably her homework for the day. She wore a dark green beanie pulled down to her eyebrows, not a single strand of hair showing, and a set of- were that _his_ clothes. Was his little sister actually wearing one of his black T-shirts and a pair of his _boxer shorts?_ A pair of boxer shorts that he actually hadn’t seen in a while, now that he was thinking about it.

Slowly shaking his head in disbelief, Sirius pulled the school stuff away from her carefully and placed it all on his unused nightstand before covering Reggie with thin sheets.

/\\*/\\*/\\*/\

Regulus slowly blinked his eyes open and took a look around. He was still in his brother’s dorm, but he wasn’t alone anymore. Right next to him was a tall, dark skinned boy balancing on one foot in order to pull a sock over the other. Once again, he was wearing nothing but boxer shorts and his glasses. After fulfilling the incredibly challenging feat of putting on socks, James crouched down and started rummaging through his overflowing trunk. Regulus couldn’t suppress a snort at the mess. “You do have a closet where you could keep all that stuff, you know that, right?”

James’ head snapped around to look back at Regulus and he seemed to tip over for a moment but recovered quickly from it. “No one likes being forced to live in a closet,” he replied with a raised eyebrow.

Regulus couldn’t help but blush slightly and his throat was dry as he croaked in return, “True.”

The silence of the moment became heavier and more awkward and Regulus’ blush grew darker with every second the two boys simply stared into each other’s eyes. Finally, Regulus couldn’t take it anymore and shattered the tension with a question. “Where are the others?”

James looked almost a little disappointed but still went along with the change of subject. “Oh. Yeah. They are already at dinner. Went down when I just came back from practice. I play football… which you know, of course. Anyways, I’ll just put on some clothes and then I’ll go as well. You hungry?”

“Yeah, a little.”

James exhaled audibly. “Great. Okay. I- I’ll just… yeah. You can wait for me and we can go down together? Or you could just go ahead if you want. I’ll be fine on my own. Obviously. Why wouldn’t I be? Okay I’ll shut up now.”

James turned his back to Regulus and resumed his trunk rummaging. Regulus lips curled into a giddy smile. He didn’t mean to, really! The butterflies in his stomach physically forced him to do it! It wasn’t his fault that James was so adorable when flustered. And the knowledge that _he_ was the one to make James fall apart like that made Regulus’ heart constrict in the best way possible. He was so high on the feeling that he had almost just spilled everything. He wanted to tell him all about why he was actually so desperate to sleep in this dorm rather than his assigned one. Just say it. _”I’m actually a boy.”_ Not a big deal, right? 

But now that he didn’t feel all that tired anymore, rational (and some pretty irrational) concerns got the better of him again. He didn’t want to risk anything. This was not the right situation to come out. And he should also probably come out to his own brother before coming out to said brother’s best friend.

“Come on, we better get going or we’ll miss dinner.”

Regulus threw the blanket off and sat up, doing his best to leave his thoughts behind on the pillow. He stood up and turned towards the door when suddenly there was a warm hand on his arm, sending pleasant shivers through his body. With his heart racing in his chest he looked back at James, who was now fully dressed. “What is it?”

James gulped visibly and glanced down Regulus’ body. “I- you- you’re wearing-“ He gave up on talking and gestured at Regulus’ crotch area.

“Oh, fuck. Shit. Right. I only have my school uniform with me, though, and I don’t quite fancy putting on that skirt again.” Regulus bit his lip, worrying if he had already given away too much with that but James didn’t seem to have noticed anything.

“Of course, yeah. I- I could lend you a pair of my shorts if you want to?”

“Yes, sure,” Regulus blurted immediately. Who would deny such an offer from their crush? “I mean, that’s super nice of you, but you’re really fucking tall. I’m probably better off borrowing some from Sirius.”

“Yeah. Yeah, you’re totally right. Of course, you are.”

“Yeah.”

Neither of them said anything else until they were down in the dining hall and parted ways with a curt “later” each.

/\\*/\\*/\\*/\

“Why didn’t you say something before?”

Sirius and Reggie were sitting on opposite ends of Sirius’ ‘old’ bed, facing each other. The other boys were in the Gryffindor common room, at the end of the hallway. Sirius had told his boyfriend that he wanted some time to talk to his sister on his own and Remus had effectively shooed James and Peter right back out of the dorm after they had returned from dinner. Now it was just the two of them. It weirdly reminded him of their childhood when Reggie would sneak into bed with him after having a nightmare or for whatever other reason. Still, it was somehow completely different from that. They weren’t the same kids anymore. They had both grown a lot. Physically as well as mentally. Reggie was picking at a loose strand on Sirius’ old football shorts. He had stopped playing last year, after being disowned by his parents for liking boys. 

She didn’t have shaved legs. Not that Sirius cared if girls shaved or not, but this was his sister. The sister that did everything to please her parents. Unshaved legs were out of the norm. Out of the norm was unacceptable in the _Noble and Most Ancient House of Black_. Reggie would never! Or so he thought. As she was sitting in front of him right then, there was something very boyish about her appearance. Not only because she was wearing his clothes. No, it was also the way she held herself. Relaxed shoulders, legs loosely folded beneath her, her torso hunched forward a little, arms resting on her knees.

“I wasn’t sure if you cared and I didn’t want to bother you.”

Anger boiled up in Sirius chest again. “You’re being bullied by your roommates, of course I’d want to know about that!”

“Yeah, about that…”

Sirius raised an eyebrow in confusion. “What?”

Reggie pressed her eyes close and scratched the back of her head nervously. 

“Reggie, what are you not tel-“

“Can you please stop calling me Reggie? It’s better than Regina but I still hate it.”

“What am I supposed to call you then? No, you know what? You’re not getting me to change the topic. What are you not telling me?”

“But I’m not changing the topic!” She opened her eyes again. They were grey, almost silver, and for a moment Sirius felt like he was looking into a mirror. “This is exactly what I haven’t been telling you. I hate that name and I hate having long hair and I hate having curves and I hate sleeping in a girl’s dorm because I don’t belong there!”

“You hate being a girl.”

“No. I just ain’t a girl!”

“You’re trans.”

“Yeah.”

“Me too.”

“What?”

“Yeah. Some kind of genderqueer but I haven’t really figured it all out. That’s why I haven’t told anyone, yet.”

Reggie- no, his brother. Or sibling. His sibling was staring back at him with wide eyes for a minute before breaking into giggles. “Imagine their faces!” Sirius joined in. The thought of Walburga and Orion’s expressions at finding out about having two totally queer children was just too hilarious. 

After they had both somewhat regained their breath again, Sirius decided to clear things up a little more. “So, what name and pronouns do you want me to call you?”

“He/him. Regulus or Reg. And if you have to make clear that you are the older sibling you can call me your baby brother.”

Sirius was pretty sure he hadn’t felt this good in years. “Noted.”

“And you?”

“Same name and pronouns for now. Sometimes I think I might prefer they/them. And sometimes it feels really weird being called a boy.”

Regulus stayed silent for a moment. Then her eyes lit up like mercury. Sirius wondered if he looked the same when he got excited. “Do you still have that purple/green bracelet I made you when we were small.”

“Hate to break it to you, bro, but most people would still consider us small.”  
Regulus rolled his eyes but grinned widely at the word “bro”.  
“Yeah, I still have it. Why? For some kind of gender ID or what?”

“Yeah, that’s the idea.”

“Sounds good. But only after I tell the others. Doesn’t really make sense until then, does it?”

“Whatever you say, Siri.” 

Sirius pulled a face. “Okay, don’t call me Siri please. I’m not a phone.” 

Regulus giggled. “Noted.”

“So, tell me, Regulus. What do you think of James? Asking for a friend.”

/\\*/\\*/\\*/\

Regulus nervously glanced up at the three elder boys standing in the doorway. He was glad that Sirius had claimed the talking job. He wouldn’t have had the guts to tell them himself.

“Reg is staying here. Long term. He can have my bed.”

As expected, James immediately jumped to complain and had entirely missed the point. “But she’s a girl, Sirius!”

“No, James. _He_ is not a girl. That is exactly the point.”

Remus, who had understood the first time around, was the first to react. “I’m sorry if I ever made you feel uncomfortable, Reg. Let me know if there’s anything I could do for you.”

“Yeah, same. So, you’re a boy. Do you also have a boy name?” While Peter seemed to have processed the new piece of information as well as Remus, James still stood there, gaping like a fish.

“I do. I’m Regulus or Reg. Thank you for letting me stay here.” He glanced at James, hoping for a reaction.

“My brother can stay here, right, James?”

That seemed to snap James out of his stupor. “Sure. I- Yeah. Sure.”

Regulus waited for more, but James just left the room and locked himself in the bathroom across the corridor. He gulped. His throat was tight and he felt like he needed to do something. He couldn’t very well just stand around there like that.

“Give him time, Reg. He’ll come around. I promise. I can talk to him if you want me to.”

“No. I want to talk to him. Tomorrow.”

-

When James finally entered the dorm in his school uniform, Regulus immediately jumped up from his bed and quickly muttered the lines he had spent the past hour perfecting.  
“Hey, James! If you get changed real quick, I could walk you to your football practice! If that’s alright with you.”

James stared at him wordlessly for a moment before walking to his own bed and putting down his bag. “I don’t have football today. Makes sense to me now, though, why Sirius was so eager to send me ahead.”

“Right. Yeah. Should’ve figured. Okay this is awkward. Can’t we just pretend you do have football today and I’ll walk you there? You don’t even have to wear your training outfit.”

James laughed at that, which brought a hopeful smile to Regulus lips. “Yeah, we can do that.”

One outfit change and seven awkwardly silent minutes later had the two of them outside the building, walking across the grounds. Regulus kept taking deep breaths, letting the crisp autumn air clear his mind. The day before had been an unnaturally warm one, so he hadn’t really dressed appropriately. He was wearing a pair of black skinny jeans that did have a slightly feminine look to them, but Regulus still wore them a lot because they were surprisingly comfortable. To counteract that femininity, though, he had refused to wear his coat on top of Sirius’ black t-shirt and had gone for his uniform jacket instead. Which had been a mistake. He was freezing to death. _Well,_ he thought and pulled his beanie over his ears, _at least I kind of pass like this._

After they had reached the small lake that was still part of the school grounds but far away from other students and in the very opposite direction of the football pitch, James cleared his throat.

“So, Regulus. What did you want to talk about?”

Regulus’ heart got stuck in his throat at hearing his chosen name being spoken by James. He took a deep breath and took the gained seconds to sort out the words in his head. He would not fuck this up. No way. “About yesterday. I know, you agreed to it in the end, but I would feel horrible if me staying in your dorm makes you uncomfortable. I mean, that is the very reason I came to you guys. Because I was so uncomfortable in my own dorm that I wasn’t able to sleep there anymore.”

James took his time answering, which was very out of character and therefore made Regulus nervous enough to cause the itch on the back of his head to reappear. He suppressed the urge to scratch it.

“No. I’m glad you’re staying with us. It’s good to know you’re safe and comfortable and getting sleep. Sorry I acted like that. It was stupid.”

“Did- did those words actually just leave your mouth?” Regulus grinned up at James lopsidedly.

“Ugh, shut it, Black!” He pulled the front of Regulus’ beanie down over his eyes, just for Regulus to push it right back up.

“Hey,” Regulus complained and stuffed strands of hair that had fallen out in the process under the rim again. He missed one close to his ear. James reached out wordlessly and fixed it for him. His fingertips seemed burning hot on Regulus’ ice-cold skin. He gulped. “Thanks.”

“No problem.” James smiled softly at Regulus. That butterflies-and-sparks smile. The taller boy let his hand glide down across the smaller one’s cheek, keeping their eyes locked all the while. James’ dark brown ones were glowing hazel in the afternoon sun. “Damnit, you’re freezing! Why didn’t you say anything, Reg?”

“I’m fine.”

“No, you’re not. Come on, let’s go back inside.”

“No! No, I don’t want to go back, yet.” He turned away from James to look across the lake. It really was a beautiful view. “I like this.” 

“Alright.” 

There was some rustling of fabric behind him, but Regulus didn’t turn to check what was going on. Because he was pretty sure he already knew, and he didn’t want to spoil the moment. His lips split into a wide grin when he felt the weight of James’ large jacket settle on his shoulders.  
“Thanks.”

“I’m not done, yet.”

Now Regulus did turn around, one eyebrow raised. His heartbeat stumbled as he realized just how close James was standing. Suddenly he was embraced by those strong arms and his head was resting against James’ chest. He hadn’t felt this safe since… probably never. Regulus circled his arms around James’ waist. If it was up to him, he would gladly stay there forever.

“Warm now?” James asked, smirk eligible in his voice.

Regulus tipped his head back to look into those warm eyes. “Getting there.”

“Mhmm, good.” At first Regulus thought he was imagining it, but James was definitely leaning his head down. His eyelids were drooping and then there was the warm hand against Regulus’ cheek again. And just like that they were kissing. James full lips were amazing and they felt natural on his. Like they belonged there.

The wonderful trance of the moment was broken when Regulus’ mind screamed out concerns that he had done his best to bury. Apparently not successfully. He broke the kiss. James let out an adorable whiny noise that made Regulus want to ignore the voice in his head more than anything.  
“This is probably not a good idea.”

“Why not?” James begged with a crease between his brows. 

Regulus smiled sadly. “Me. Because- because I’m a boy.”

“But I like you!” 

Regulus heart constricted painfully. He really wished he could have this. “I like you, too, but you like Reggie. And- and no matter how much I like you, I can’t be happy being with you if you don’t fully see me as a guy. I mean, you’re straight-“

“Hold on, I will not let you finish that sentence. I like you, Regulus. A lot. I don’t care about your gender. You got me wrapped around your finger, alright? And I hate to break it to you but you’re not even the first guy I’ve had a crush on.”

“Oh, really?” Surprise and joy were both present in Regulus’ voice.

“Yes.”

Regulus smirked. “Who?”

“I don’t have to prove anything to you!” James held his nose high like a conceited princess.

“Is it my brother?”

“No.” James pulled a disgusted face and Regulus fought hard to suppress his laughter for a little longer.

“Remus?”

“I’m not telling you!”

“Is it-“ Regulus got cut off by James lips reconnecting with his. He immediately melted into it, trying to savour the moment with all his senses. He breathed in James’ scent, carded his fingers through his black, tight curls, did his best to memorize the way James’ lips tasted and got high on the feeling of butterflies throwing a party in his stomach. When he felt James shiver against him, he slowly pulled back and revelled in the view of James’ flushed cheeks for a few seconds.  
“You need your jacket back.”

“No way!” James buried his face in the crook of Regulus’ neck and pulled him impossibly closer. “I’m staying here. You will keep me warm,” he mumbled against the skin there, causing a pleasant shiver to run down Regulus’ spine. 

Regulus laughed giddily before slowly pushing James away again. “Come on, let’s get back to the dorm.”

James made that whiny noise again. The one that made Regulus crazy. “Can you carry me?”

Regulus laughed the fullest and most honest laugh he had ever laughed in his entire life. “You’re an idiot.”

“Yep. And now you’re stuck with me.” James grinned at him widely and intertwined their fingers. 

“Looks like it.”

Hand in hand they started their way back up to the school building. Regulus was swimming in feelings of safety, euphoria, warmth and home. He looked over at James with a smirk.

“Is it Leo from Hufflepuff?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If anyone has any concerns about the way I portrayed Regulus as a FTM character or James as a Black character, please let me know. I am genderfluid myself so I based some of Sirius' and Regulus' gender issues off my own experience. It has to be mentioned, though, that there isn't THE ONE trans experience. I also feel the need to make clear that being transmasculine doesn't mean you have to avoid anything feminine and that your number one goal is to pass. I just think That the way Regulus was always forced into appearing delicately feminine at all times by his family, school and society in general would make him feel desperate to finally express his masculinity and make him feel a very strong urge to pass, so he can "make up" for his youth forced into female stereotypes. I also feel like he wouldn't have the courage this early into his life, to break gender stereotypes the way Sirius does. At least, that's the way I see it.
> 
> I have some notes that didn't make it into the final story and I'll probably post them as a second chapter called "Outtakes" or something hehe.
> 
> If you enjoyed reading this please leave kudos and comments, those always make my day <3
> 
> This is my final entry for this Tournament. I had a lot of fun participating and will make sure to do so again next year. I want to thank everyone else who participated, no matter if you were a creator or a bidder. This project and all that came from it warms my heart. Thank you and I'll hopefully see you next year.


	2. Outtakes

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> These are the notes I took for this story before and during writing it, that didn't make the final cut. Just some bullet points, nothing fancy, but I wanted to add them here in hopes they'll make someone smile :)

  * In the end: Reg and Sirius switching uniforms because it's too early for Reg to feel comfortable enough to break gender stereotypes and Sirius fucking rocks a skirt 
  * they also give him a new haircut (Peter, Dorcas or Lily)
  * James offers Reg to also live at the Potters
  * Sirius when Reg voiced concerns that James won't like him when he finds out he's a guy/trans: "He obviously likes your queer ass even if you don't shout if from rooftops!" (Yes, I wanted to quote you, Bro. So what about it?)
  * Mention that a month later the fourth bed of the dorm was empty again. (You know, cause James and Reg started sharing... ) PS: Peter is a little annoyed by it 
  * Pssst, this is top secret! James' first guy crush was Fabian Prewett, I don't make the rules.



**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you all enjoyed reading this. Have a nice day :)


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